D-Day. I’m feverish, sweating, sore, no appetite. It hits me all at once that I didn’t want any of this.
I never really wanted to be a missionary.
I didn’t actually want to come to Ecuador.
I wasn’t planning on being away more than a year.
What I did say was I want to live my life for You, for Your glory; that I was willing to go overseas; that I’d do a year for starters and be open to Your guidance.
So really this is just me realising I’ve gotta follow through, and it might be a lot harder than I’d expected.
Staying in Gonzanamá would be far easier, for me personally and also in the eyes of everyone else – it’s what I officially came to do and I told everyone I’d be around till August/September. In fact, it’s the move I have to justify. But i know this is what you want now, and I don’t know what I’d say to You – if I could even face You without shame – if I took the easy option.