D-Day. I’m feverish, sweating, sore, no appetite. It hits me all at once that I didn’t want any of this.
I never really wanted to be a missionary.
I didn’t actually want to come to Ecuador.
I wasn’t planning on being away more than a year.
What I did say was I want to live my life for You, for Your glory; that I was willing to go overseas; that I’d do a year for starters and be open to Your guidance.
So really this is just me realising I’ve gotta follow through, and it might be a lot harder than I’d expected.
Staying in Gonzanamá would be far easier, for me personally and also in the eyes of everyone else – it’s what I officially came to do and I told everyone I’d be around till August/September. In fact, it’s the move I have to justify. But i know this is what you want now, and I don’t know what I’d say to You – if I could even face You without shame – if I took the easy option.
⎯suansita⎯ 
Mum recommends that you try aspirin instead of paracetamol for your illness.
In regard to your continuation of mission work, do pray hard about it. You might have to go back to your original cause for the mission rather than look at the development of causes.
It looks like the juvenile justice plan for Loja is a new project that you did not envisage when you started on the mission. It is exciting but this is something that you can do, even in Australia.
You did mention in one of your newsletters that you do not think that the people are poor and that you do not think that you can contribute in the way of helping as a missionary. Your focus changed from helping to guiding the people to help and reach out to others. I may be wrong in my observation but this is my perception of events.
Do think carefully and pray for guidance.
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